


love, nana

by ijd00



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: High School AU, Idiots in Love, Light Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-22
Updated: 2020-03-22
Packaged: 2021-03-01 03:01:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,789
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23268127
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ijd00/pseuds/ijd00
Summary: Nothing about the letter. If Donghyuck hadn’t seen the two of them together with his own two eyes, he wouldn’t have known it had happened at all.He wonders if this means Jaemin is the one.(In which Donghyuck is in love, Jaemin writes a letter, and Mark is endearingly oblivious.)
Relationships: Lee Donghyuck | Haechan/Mark Lee, Mark Lee/Na Jaemin
Comments: 15
Kudos: 143





	love, nana

The problem with having a crush on Mark Lee is that he’s the most oblivious person Donghyuck has ever met. And that’s not meant in any kind of mean way. It’s meant in a very factual, if slightly exasperated (but definitely fond) way. Donghyuck and Mark have known each other for _years_ , practically since they were in diapers. Okay, out of diapers, but not by that many years. They’d met when Mark and his family had moved in across the street, straight from Canada.

Mark had had even bigger eyes back then, and he’d greeted Donghyuck with a little bow and stiff handshake. Donghyuck had stared at him for about five whole seconds before bursting into bright laughter. Mark had frowned, but said nothing as Donghyuck had pushed his hand out of the way and instead offered him one of his toys as a peace offering. He’d taken it, if a little tentatively and that had been the start of their friendship.

Since then, they’d been a package deal. Mark and Donghyuck. Donghyuck and Mark. If one of them was going somewhere, the other was bound to be there too. People used to invite only one of them to events, knowing that the other would show up as well. It never bothered them either, the fact that people lumped together even though an insecure, eighth grade Donghyuck had asked newly minted high school freshman Mark if he was finally tired of being inextricably linked to him. Mark had shaken his head, fond smile on his lips as he’d pulled Donghyuck into a tight hug and then bought the both of them ice cream from the shop down the road.

The next year, when Donghyuck had joined Mark at high school, he’d been pleased to see that despite his fears, he and Mark still did everything together. Sure things had changed, like the addition of new friends and ever shifting class schedules as was inevitable of growing up, but the core of their friendship hadn’t. Not even Donghyuck’s shaky whisper that he liked boys changed anything, and he had cried when Mark had told him that it would be okay.

The realization that he had a crush on Mark hit him on a Thursday like any other. It was during his sophomore year and Mark’s junior. They hadn’t been doing anything super special, were just hanging out with each other after school as always. That day, they had decided to spice their usual routine up and had gone bowling at the new alley that had opened up a month or so ago. Mark’s older cousin’s boyfriend worked there and had winked as he gave them a discount.

It had been surprisingly fun, but Donghyuck should have known that any time spent with Mark was bound to be. Predictably, Mark was _horrible_ at bowling. Bad enough that Jaehyun had offered to put up the rails on the gutters so that his score would finally break into double digits. Mark had flushed red and rejected Jaehyun’s offer, instead bravely picking up his orange ball and turning to face the pins as if they were the enemy and he was going off to war. Donghyuck had smiled, giggling over his drink as he watched Mark watch his ball roll straight into the gutter.

Mark had pouted, and that was when Donghyuck had realized. Had had his _oh_ moment. Realized why his stomach fluttered every time Mark beamed at him, why he felt the way he did every time Mark’s eyes sought him out in the crowd at his basketball games. Donghyuck had given Mark a supportive thumbs up and Mark had positively beamed back, suddenly reinvigorated. Even though Mark had ended up scoring a measly seventeen points, he’d still smiled and then made Donghyuck promise that they would come back so he could improve. Ever since then, bowling had become their go to hang out activity and lane seven unofficially became theirs.

After that first time though, Jaehyun had shot him a look as they left and Donghyuck had stuck his tongue out in revenge even though he’d felt his face heating up. His new revelation was between him and himself only.

So yeah. Donghyuck had concluded that he was sort of, kind of in love with his best friend. And contrary to popular opinion (cough, Renjun and Jeno), it hadn’t been a particularly earth shattering one. Instead, it had been something that made perfect sense. Because yeah. He’d grown up with Mark, knew everything about him and vice versa. Knew the little things that made him tick, which buttons to push and which boundaries to never cross. Falling in love with Mark was inevitable. The only thing he’d been surprised about was how slow he’d been to realize it.

Now as a junior, Donghyuck realizes that while he may have been slow on the uptake, Mark is even slower. His increase in skinship hadn’t even registered in Mark’s mind as something to take notice of, and instead he’d embraced it in typical Mark fashion. That is to say, not always open in public, but more than willing to cuddle in private. Donghyuck knows he could easily confess his feelings to Mark, but there’s one problem with that plan. Mark is oblivious and doesn’t know when people are flirting with him.

Mark is undeniably popular in their high school, and sometimes Donghyuck wants nothing more than to brag to the people who confess to his best friend that Mark is _his_. Because Mark _is_ his. Not necessarily in the way Donghyuck really wants Mark to be, but he’ll take him in any way he can, because he is unfortunately, disgustingly whipped for him. It’s just, the first time someone confessed to Mark, back during Donghyuck’s freshman year, Mark had been 100% unaware that that had been their intentions.

“Hyuck,” he’d said, eyes wide, “Hyunjin asked me to go to the park with him today. I wonder if he wants to go because he knows the trees are blooming now. It’ll be so fun going with him. I really want to take this opportunity to get to know him better as a friend.”

That idiot. Donghyuck had snorted and ruffled Mark’s hair, much to his protest. Even before he’d been aware of his own romantic feelings, Donghyuck had known when people were flirting and Hyunjin had flat out asked Mark on a date. Mark though, Mark had no idea. He’d told him of course, that Hyunjin had asked him on a date and that Mark was probably breaking his little freshman heart by seeing him only as a cute dongsaeng. His best friend had pouted and denied that that’s what Hyunjin had wanted, but after returning from their outing, his red face had said enough.

The confessors usually tend to time their confessions around the moments when Mark is alone so that the embarrassment they experience isn’t publicly broadcasted. Of course, the times that Mark is alone are few and far between since he’s usually always got a friend with him. Most of the time that friend is Donghyuck. Personally, Donghyuck doesn’t get the confessions. Well he understands the reasoning behind their feelings for Mark, everyone likes Mark. But he doesn’t get how they’re able to put themselves out there so confidently.

Now that he’s more used to the confessions, Mark is much more comfortable with them, at least to the extent that he’s stopped turning into a tomato every time someone approaches him. He’s never once returned someone’s feelings, instead smiling gently as he accepts their confession and giving them a hug. Donghyuck had asked once, asked if there was someone who Mark had feelings for and all his best friend had done was give him a half smile and nondescript answer.

Today’s confession seems to be in the form of a letter. Those have gotten more popular as of late, since they enable the confessor to put all of their feelings out without having to physically see Mark read their thoughts. He hadn’t meant to intrude upon the moment, but Donghyuck had forgotten that Mark’s mother had packed them both lunch that day since his own parents had been away for the weekend. As he’d rounded the corner to where he knew Mark’s class got out, he had caught sight of the back of Mark’s head and a boy standing in front of him. Donghyuck watches with bated breath as Mark accepts the letter from the boy with a gentle smile. The boy has pink hair and although he’s not wearing it now, Donghyuck knows for a fact that he has the widest, brightest, smile. Na Jaemin.

Donghyuck knows Jaemin. Practically the whole school knows him, and not just because of the vibrant shade of his hair. No, Na Jaemin is popular because of how kind he is, the way he selflessly dedicates himself to charity work and volunteering. And because he’s the star player on the soccer team. On top of that, he’d somehow managed to maintain top grades, which Donghyuck refuses to admit drives him a little insane with jealousy. Mark had dragged him to a game a year or so ago just for the experience, and Donghyuck had to admit that he’d been intrigued.

People said that Jaemin was almost as good as Nakamoto Yuta was, and considering Yuta had gone on to play professional soccer in Japan upon graduation, that was some high praise. Donghyuck didn’t know that Jaemin was interested in Mark though. And judging by the look of faint surprise on Mark’s face, he didn’t either. Usually Mark has a decent idea of the people who have a crush on him, so the fact that Jaemin comes as a surprise throws Donghyuck off as well. Jaemin gives Mark a quick kiss on the cheek before hurrying off, leaving Mark to bring his hand up to his face with wonder.

Donghyuck’s never seen that particular expression on Mark’s face before. He doesn’t know if he likes it or not.

*******

He thinks Mark is going to bring the letter up at some point, the way he has every other time he’s gotten one. They lay together on Donghyuck’s bed and recount their day, the highs and lows and everything in between. It’s something they’ve done since they were younger and needed time to just rant about life. What had started off as something they only did when one of them really needed to vent turned into a tradition, and now they do it daily. The letters usually come up as lows, only because of how guilty Mark feels about rejecting them. It’s one of his finer points, and the reason Donghyuck thinks people continue to confess to him despite the fact that they know it’s a futile endeavor.

So he waits patiently for Mark to mention Jaemin’s confession, maybe have an awkward laugh at how he didn’t know Jaemin was interested in him that way, and then, in the kindest way possible, move on with his life. It’s the classic Mark Lee pattern of dealing with his feelings of guilt over each of these confessions.

Instead, Mark only talks about how nervous he is for college and how he’s worried his scores aren’t going to qualify him for anything. How despite what his cousin has reassured him, he won’t be accepted anywhere and will be left adrift the next year. Nothing about the letter. If Donghyuck hadn’t seen the two of them together with his own two eyes, he wouldn’t have known it had happened at all.

He wonders if this means Jaemin is the one.

*******

Na Jaemin becomes a fixture in their friend group within a month of the confession, seamlessly integrating himself while also bringing along his best friend, a shy freshman named Jisung. Jisung takes to Chenle like a duck in water and those two are soon inseparable. Jaemin explains that when they were younger, Jisung’s parents had worked all the time and entrusted their son to him, leaving Jaemin to essentially raise him. It’s a point that Jaemin likes to bring up constantly, much to Jisung’s chagrin.

“He gives me so much grief,” Jaemin fake cries at lunch one day, “They grow up so fast I’m telling you, I swear it was just yesterday that Jisung needed me to open the jar of grape jelly or reach the top shelf of the pantry.”

“I’m fourteen now hyung,” Jisung mutters, “I’m gonna be taller and stronger than you one day.”

Mark laughs and even though watching Jaemin baby Jisung is amusing, it’s not _that_ funny. He doesn’t even seem to notice that Donghyuck is pouting. Jeno does though, and Donghyuck pointedly ignores the raised eyebrow that gets sent his way. He knows Jeno is going to ask him about it later though, and resigns himself to the interrogation. He’s fairly comfortable talking about his emotions, but not when he’s still confused about them himself.

It’s not like he can fault Jaemin for wanting to get closer to Mark. He’s a genuinely nice person and much to his annoyance, Donghyuck finds that he actually gets along with him fairly well. Jaemin is witty. Charming. Has an absolutely killer smile. And dammit if Donghyuck didn’t know that he had a crush on Mark, he’d have no problem with the addition of Jaemin to their friend group. Instead, he has to stew in silence while also hiding the fact that he knows about Jaemin’s feelings for Mark.

Mark has student council after school so as Donghyuck’s doing his homework patiently in the library to wait for him, Jeno slides into the seat across from him. Donghyuck pointedly ignores him, focusing on the notebook in front of him. Integrals. Gross.

“So,” Jeno says after realizing that Donghyuck isn't about to say anything, “Jaemin.”

“Jaemin,” Donghyuck repeats unimpressed, “What about him?”

Jeno taps his finger against his chin, “He’s obviously got a crush on Mark hyung.”

Donghyuck chokes, not having expected Jeno to be so upfront about it and trying to remain calm, “What makes you think that?”

“Dude. Have you seen the way he looks at Mark hyung? It’s the same way you do, you know, with sparkly heart eyes and all that. It would be cute if it weren’t so disgusting.”

“Hey,” he protests, half heartedly aiming a kick at Jeno’s shin, “I do not look at Mark that way.”

“Okay maybe I do,” Donghyuck relents when Jeno fixes him with a look, “Jeez where did you learn that expression, Renjun?”

“Maybe,” Jeno shrugs, “But my point is, are you going to do anything? Talk to Mark? Fight for your man?

“He’s not my man,” he flushes, “Besides, Jaemin...I think he already confessed to Mark if what I saw happening between them a month or two ago was indeed a confession, but they aren’t dating so maybe nothing came out of it. Just like with the rest of the people who confess. Like what would happen if I confessed.”

Jeno nods, “That’s true. Mark hyung has never reciprocated, but do you ever think that it might be because he’s waiting for you? You know, I thought the way you looked at him was gross but he looks at you the same way. Except somehow, it’s even more fond. I didn’t think that was possible.”

Laughing miserably, Donghyuck picks up his pencil again, “No he doesn’t. Mark’s looked at me the same way his entire life. Like I’m his cute younger brother.”

“He looks at you like he loves you. You just can’t tell the difference from when you were younger because he’s probably loved you his entire life.”

At the look on Donghyuck’s face, Jeno relents, “Just...just think about it, okay?”

Late that night when he’s all bundled up underneath his blankets, Donghyuck thinks about it. Thinks about Jaemin and Mark, and what kind of couple they’d be. The soccer team’s ace and the student council president and basketball team’s forward. They’d probably look good together. Jaemin’s taller than Mark, more so than Donghyuck himself and Donghyuck knows that Mark likes that. At least, if his last crush, however fleeting, (the infuriatingly hot Chinese exchange student, Wong “Call me Lucas!” Yukhei) was anything to go off of.

That’s Donghyuck’s main problem with believing that Mark is somehow waiting for him to confess. He knows everything, and he really does mean everything, about Mark. But the one thing he’s lost on is Mark’s type. They’ve talked about crushes before of course, Donghyuck had admitted his crush on Taeyong, Mark on Lucas, and all the smaller ones in between. The thing about all of the people Mark’s liked though is that none of them really have anything in common. Not enough for Donghyuck to determine Mark’s type.

Donghyuck’s own type is easy. Someone caring. Kind, compassionate, goes above and beyond what’s asked of him not because he cares about his reputation and how people think of him, but just because that’s the kind of person he is. Someone funny, even if it’s not in a traditional sense. Whose nose scrunches in the cutest way when he sees something he doesn’t like, or when Donghyuck has made a bad joke and he’s fighting off a smile. Someone who is terrible at bowling even though they’re considered one of the best players the basketball team has ever had. Someone whose name is Mark Lee. His best friend.

His best friend who still hasn’t told him that Jaemin confessed to him. It bothers Donghyuck more than he’d like to admit if he’s being honest with himself. There’s no reason for Mark not to tell him about the confession, especially since he knows about the rest of them. The confessions are inconsequential, mean nothing to their friendship, really are only a symbol of how close they are that Mark tells him about each and every one. There’s only one reason that Donghyuck can think of for why Mark wouldn’t tell him and it hurts to even think about, but after all of these months it must be the truth.

Mark didn’t tell him about it because he likes Jaemin back. For the first time in what’s now nearing three years of constant confessions, Mark has finally found someone who he likes back. And it’s not him.

It’s fine.

*******

He finds the letter. It’s buried under other papers in Mark’s desk drawer, but the paper’s pink hue is unmistakable. Donghyuck stares at it in disbelief for a couple of seconds. Mark has never, ever kept a confession. Never. Not in all of the years that he’s been receiving them. With a shaky hand, he reaches out, fingertips brushing across the paper before he stops.

Even though he desperately wants to know what Jaemin had written, how he’d managed to seduce his best friend, he can’t. Can’t bring himself to invade their privacy like that. So he closes that drawer with a little more force than strictly necessary and grabs the lanyard Mark had asked him to. The key to their shared locker at the bowling alley is attached to it, has been since they started going regularly. It’s the one he made Mark when they were nine and ten, well loved.

The strings are blue and yellow, their favorite colors. Donghyuck had made it at summer camp during the arts and crafts block, concentrating on making it as perfect as possible. Mark had absolutely beamed when he’d received it, shyly presenting Donghyuck with a pet rock he’d carefully painted. Donghyuck had named it Rocky Balboa and to this day kept it in a place of honor on his desk.

Clutching the lanyard in his hand tightly, he makes his way downstairs and outside where Mark is waiting for him in his car. He beams when he sees that Donghyuck has gotten the lanyard and gestures for him to get in. The drive to the bowling alley is quiet, the radio playing songs in the background. Mark doesn’t seem to think anything is off though and he hums happily as they enter the bowling alley.

Jaehyun is working the desk, already turning to grab their shoes and balls. He’s back on break from his sophomore year of college, much more relaxed this time around than last year. He plops the items on the laminated counter, wiggling his fingers for Mark to hand over the correct amount of money. After Mark pays, he goes to set up their lane and put open their locker so they can store their regular shoes and jackets.

“Hey Jaehyun hyung,” Donghyuck says, resting his head on his hand, “How’s college?”

Jaehyun grins, “It’s been good. No major complaints, but definitely a couple of minor ones. Basic things you know, professor won’t email you back, group members not doing their fair share of the work. But I love it.”

Donghyuck hums. Jaehyun is studying to be a doctor, specifically a pediatrician. Every parent’s dream. He’s good at what he does, and Donghyuck has vivid memories of him helping Mark prepare for his biology exams back when he was still in high school.

“And how’s hyung?” he asks, adding a teasing lilt to his voice.

“He’s good,” Jaehyun says, the tips of his ears faintly turning pink, “Working hard so that he finishes senior year strong, even though everyone knows he’s definitely going to be valedictorian. Still volunteering at literally every event on campus. I don’t know how he does it.”

“Must be a cousin thing,” Donghyuck shrugs, “Mark does everything at school too and I don’t know how.”

Jaehyun laughs, “Must be. How is Mark by the way? Either of you made a move yet?”

Donghyuck’s smile fades a little bit, “No. I think...I think he has a crush on someone else at our school. Jaemin. Um, they’ve gotten pretty close recently.”

Jaehyun frowns but before he can respond, Mark calls Donghyuck over so he can change shoes and they can start bowling. Just last week, Mark had finally managed to score more than fifty points and Donghyuck knows that he’s itching to play so that he can try to beat that score. He shakes his head fondly and bids goodbye to Jaehyun before leaving to join Mark.

“What took you so long?” Mark asks as he gets closer.

“Was talking to hyung about college,” Donghyuck responds, slipping his shoes off, “It feels like I haven’t spoken to him in forever.”

Mark nods, “That’s true. I bet you’ve missed each other.”

Donghyuck nods absentmindedly, placing his shoes neatly into the locker and then closing it, “Come on Mark. Let’s see if you can break fifty.”

*******

“A party? Like an actual, legitimate college party?” Donghyuck asks, leaning over Mark and ignoring the way he grumbles so that he can talk into his phone, “Hyung sign me up I am so going to be there.”

Taeyong laughs, “Hey Hyuckie. Yes, a party. Jaehyun’s frat is throwing a party tonight and I asked Mark if he wanted to come. Maybe bring a few friends. It’s not supposed to be anything too crazy.”

Donghyuck turns his pleading eyes on Mark, silently begging him to let him go. He wants to experience a real college party and knows that with all his hyungs there, no harm will come to him. Especially if Taeyong says that it’s not supposed to be crazy. They might all have differing definitions of crazy but most of the time Taeyong’s tends to line up with Mark’s, so Donghyuck knows he’ll be fine.

Mark has never been able to resist him.

“Fine,” Mark sighs, smiling when Donghyuck cheers and throws his arms around him.

“I need to check my closet and see what clothes I have to wear,” Donghyuck begins to ramble, “Oh my god do you think if I get started early enough I can try out that new makeup trend I was showing you?”

As he continues to talk, getting lost in his fantasies, Donghyuck fails to notice the fond look Mark sends him as he finds his own phone and begins to type out a message to all of their friends, inviting them out.

*******

He’s lost Mark. They’d all arrived as a group of course, but throughout the night Donghyuck had lost him. Much to his disappointment, Taeyong had warned him not to drink any alcohol, to stick to the water and soda being provided. All of them had gotten the same warning since all of them were underage, but they’d also managed to sneak a few drinks in when Taeyong wasn’t looking.

Jaehyun had caught them on their final pass into the kitchen but instead of saying anything, he’d solemnly mimed zipping up his lips and throwing away the key. Donghyuck knew Jaehyun was his favorite hyung for a reason. The party had more people than he was expecting, even though Jaehyun had told them that it was actually pretty small for their campus. It was invite only, not open to the public, a celebration of some frat anniversary that Donghyuck honestly didn’t care too much for.

He’d been more focused on the outfit Mark was wearing, his mind doing mental gymnastics as it tried to connect the Mark in front of him to the Mark of his mind. Mark was wearing the tightest pair of ripped black jeans Donghyuck had ever laid his eyes on, as well as a black tank top, his hair pushed off his face. When asked where on earth he’d been hiding the clothes, Mark had sheepishly admitted that he’d gotten them from Taeyong. Apparently his cousin had pre-empted the fact that Mark wouldn’t have proper clothes to go to a college party in and had sent them over the week before. Donghyuck kind of wants to kiss him.

“Excuse me,” Donghyuck mumbles as he makes his way around a couple girls, sighing out in relief as he spots one of the people Jaehyun and Taeyong had identified as a “safe” hyung.

“Hyung!” he calls, watching the boy turn around, “Hi. Um, sorry to bother you but have you seen my friend Mark anywhere? He’s Taeyong hyung’s cousin.”

The boy makes a sound in recognition, “Oh yeah, yeah I think I saw him a couple minutes ago by one of the bedrooms? We usually don’t let people in there but TY said it was fine. They’re over there.”

Donghyuck thanks him and then follows the direction of his outstretched finger, the sound of the music fading a little as he gets farther away from the source. He wonders why Mark is in one of the bedrooms, why he didn’t come find Donghyuck and tell him he needed to get away from the party. He’s bordering on drunk enough that he’s beginning to seriously entertain the idea of telling Mark he loves him.

What’s the worst thing that could happen? Well, Mark could (probably would) reject him, and that would definitely be a crushing blow that Donghyuck would need some time to get over. He can almost picture it now, Mark’s awkward and fumbling apology as he explains that he loves Donghyuck, just not in the same way. The surprised look on Mark’s face and the slight pink tinge to his cheeks. The distance that the confession will inevitably create between them until Donghyuck feels comfortable enough to be around Mark again. Slowly forcing himself to get over Mark.

Or maybe Mark will say he loves him too. A shy smile on his lips as he tells Donghyuck that the reason he’d rejected all the other confessions was because he was waiting for Donghyuck’s. Maybe they’d share their first kiss. It would be soft, tentative. They’d take it slow, savor the innocence of their confession and the slow burn leading up to the moment. Then maybe they’d laugh at the inevitability of it all and emerge from the room as a couple, holding hands, reassured of their love.

There’s only one door that’s closed, so Donghyuck knows that Mark must be in there. With the words of Jeno, Jaehyun, Taeyong, and countless others ringing in his head, Donghyuck gently pushes the door open, confession on the tip of his tongue, only to stop in his tracks. Mark is in the room, but he’s not alone. Jaemin is there too and Donghyuck’s confession dies as he feels his heart sink.

They’re sitting on the edge of the bed, Mark’s head resting on Jaemin's shoulder and the scene is so heartbreakingly intimate Donghyuck almost takes a step back on instinct. Jaemin is running a soothing hand through his black hair, and the look on his face is so tender, so full of what must be, has to be, love that Donghyuck thinks he’s going to be sick.

He stumbles out of the room, not caring to be silent as he retreats. Donghyuck angrily swipes at the tears he knows are falling and doesn’t stop walking until he’s standing outside on the balcony, gripping the railing tightly.

Stupid. He feels stupid.

*******

The next morning when he wakes up, his head is pounding and he really wants to cry again. Instead, he squints angrily at his bedside table, making out a glass of water and some painkillers. He downs them without a second thought, pausing when he notices the sticky note the glass had been set over.

“Hope you feel better haha, last night got kind of crazy :) - Mark”

It’s such a Mark note that Donghyuck feels the lump in his throat return. He checks his phone and ignores the multiple notifications he has, focusing on the time. It’s eleven. Sighing, Donghyuck flops back down on his bed and tries to summon his will to live. It’s a hard task. Finally, he manages to roll himself out of his bed, throwing out a steadying hand as his world spins, not appreciating his sudden movement. Donghyuck drags himself into his bathroom, washing his face and brushing the taste of death out of his mouth.

It’s only when he stumbles downstairs to grab some food that he realizes that his phone has been ringing the entire time. He picks it up without looking at the ID.

“Hello?”

“Hyuck,” the relieved voice of Mark greets, “How are you feeling? I was so worried about you. Can I come over and see you? Make sure that you’re okay.”

Before he can regret it, Donghyuck hums and then hangs up, willing back the tears as he remembers the events of last night. The intimate way Mark had been leaning against Jaemin, the way Jaemin’s hand had smoothed down Mark’s hair. The image is burned into his retinas and he’s pretty sure that he’ll never forget it. At least he’s certain of one thing now, and it’s that Mark definitely likes Jaemin back.

The realization stings. But he can do this. He can be happy for his best friend even as his own heart breaks in half. Donghyuck should have seen it coming to be honest. Should have seen it in the way Mark had been spending more time with Jaemin. Not in a way that really interfered with their friendship, but enough for Donghyuck to notice. He’d never asked about it, and Mark had never brought it up. The same way he’d never brought up the letter. He wonders if Mark will have the courtesy to let him know that he and Jaemin are dating.

By the time Mark knocks on his door, he’s angry. He does his best to hide it as he opens the door, but for as well as he knows Mark, Mark knows him too. He knows that Donghyuck’s angry and he frowns.

“Hyuckie,” Mark greets, “Are you okay? Are you upset about something?”

“No,” Donghyuck responds shortly, turning around so that he can make himself breakfast, not bothering to invite Mark in, knowing that he’ll follow him inside anyway.

“There’s clearly something bothering you,” Mark says concerned, “What is it? It is something from the party?”

Donghyuck wants to rip his hair out from how oblivious Mark is. He practically throws the door to the refrigerator open, gripping the handle so tightly his knuckles turn white. He makes himself a peanut butter and jelly sandwich angrily as Mark watches him, trying to figure out what’s wrong. The sandwich is something Mark had brought to their friendship when they were younger and Donghyuck had loved them since the first time he tried one in Mark’s kitchen.

“Hyuck,” Mark says seriously as Donghyuck eats, “What happened? I’m worried about you.”

He can’t help himself, “Oh are you?”

Mark frowns, “Of course I am. You’re my best friend, we’ve known each other since we were basically babies. Why wouldn’t I be worried about you? You’re upset and I want to know why so I can make it better.”

“You can’t make it better,” Donghyuck says bitterly, “Not this time. Sorry, but you’re just going to have to accept that.”

“What’s wrong?” Mark asks, “Come on. Maybe I can’t make it better, but I can try.”

“Why don’t you just go take Jaemin bowling and leave me alone,” Donghyuck spits, diverting his eyes, “Since you’ve been doing everything with him recently.”

“What?” Mark asks bewildered, “Why would I take Jaemin bowling? That - that’s our thing.”

“I saw you at the party last night,” Donghyuck says, ”There’s no need to hide it. You can take your boyfriend bowling, it’s fine. I won’t be offended. I am hurt you never told me that Jaemin confessed to you though. Or that you’ve basically already started dating. I thought we were best friends. Clearly I was wrong.”

Mark’s mouth is opening and closing like he’s trying to find some kind of way to respond, but can’t. Good. Frankly Donghyuck has no idea what he even wants Mark to tell him. That he and Jaemin aren’t dating? That he’s sorry? Probably. But for the most part, Mark has been a good friend, it’s just him who has issues.

“Save it,” Donghyuck says, “I don’t want to hear whatever you’re going to say. Just leave me alone. Actually, nevermind. I’ll leave. I don’t want to see you right now.”

He sees the raw, unfiltered hurt on Mark’s face but he doesn’t care. He’s so tired of this, of feeling inferior to Jaemin and like he’s losing his best friend. He pushes past Mark and throws the front door to his house open. The sunlight hurts his eyes but Donghyuck doesn’t care, storming out of his house and leaving Mark behind.

*******

Of all people, it’s Jaemin who finds him. His lips are twisted downwards in dissatisfaction and his hands are on his hips, looking like an unhappy and reproachful mother. Donghyuck stares at him but doesn’t say anything, crossing his arms petulantly. Jaemin stares straight back, imploring him to give in, but he’s nothing if not incredibly stubborn so finally Jaemin sighs and caves.

“What on earth did you do to Mark hyung?” he finally asks, “He called me crying and in near hysterics, begging me to come over. I only waited this long to find you and kick your ass because he finally cried himself to sleep.”

Instantly, Donghyuck feels the guilt well up in him. He made Mark...cry?

In all the years he’s known Mark, he’s only cried a handful of times. And it’s not because Mark is the kind of guy who thinks crying makes them seem weak, it was just that Mark had an incredible amount of patience and generally higher tolerance level. So the fact that he made Mark cry means he really hurt him.

“It doesn’t matter,” Donghyuck mutters.

Jaemin snorts, “Of course it matters you asshole. You made him cry and you’re seriously going to sit here and tell me it doesn't matter?”

“Why do you even care?” Donghyuck snaps, “You won, okay? You’re dating Mark. What I say to Mark doesn’t matter.”

Jaemin stares at him like he’s grown a second head before his eyes narrow. Donghyuck’s legitimately concerned that Jaemin is going to punch him and he knows for a fact that the boy packs a mean punch. Maybe he shouldn’t have offended his best friend’s boyfriend. If Mark even still considers him his best friend. After what Donghyuck said to him, he wouldn’t be surprised if Mark sent Jaemin to tell him that he never wants to see him again.

“We’re not dating,” Jaemin tells him with a frown, “Why on earth do you think that?”

“I saw you at the party,” Donghyuck says, “And you two have gotten so close recently. And I saw you confess okay? Mark didn’t tell me about it and he kept your letter, he’s never done that for any of the other confessions he’s received so I figured that had to mean you were special.”

Jaemin’s eyes soften marginally, “You’re an idiot. Has anyone ever told you that?”

“A lot of people.”

“Well I’m here to tell you it again. Lee Donghyuck you’re an idiot. I’m not dating Mark hyung. We’ve gotten close recently yeah, but that’s because we’re friends. And sure I confessed, but Mark hyung doesn’t like me like that. I don’t know why he didn’t tell you anything, but I can assure you that it wasn’t because he likes me.”

There are a million thoughts racing around in his mind and internally, he’s screaming. Partially because he knows he really messed up with Mark, and partially because what Jaemin is telling him makes absolutely no sense. What does he mean they aren’t dating? That-that doesn’t make sense. He meets Jaemin’s eyes and wonders if he can sense the internal meltdown that Donghyuck is having.

“Mark hyung is in love with you,” Jaemin says softly, “And you’re an even bigger idiot than I thought you were if you couldn’t tell.”

*******

Jaemin punches him in the arm once before he goes, and even though it hurts like a bitch, Donghyuck knows he deserves it.

“Don’t fuck this up, okay?” Jaemin asks as they approach his house, “You hurt him really badly. Now it’s time for you to fix that and make him happy instead.”

Donghyuck thanks him for knocking sense into him and Jaemin snorts before wishing him luck and leaving Donghyuck standing alone on his front porch. It’s his house, but he’s still afraid to enter. He steels himself and pushes the door open, smiling faintly at the sight of Mark sprawled over his couch, a blanket thrown over him. It’s a familiar sight, one that tugs at his heartstrings. It reminds him of simpler times, back before Jaemin confessed and entered his life. Mark stirs at the sound of the door opening and his head peeks over the edge of the couch, eyes connecting with Donghyuck’s.

It breaks his heart to see that there’s still hurt swimming in Mark’s eyes, and he approaches him cautiously. Mark doesn’t say anything as he gets closer, only draws the blanket around himself tighter.

“Mark,” Donghyuck murmurs.

Mark still doesn't say anything, just maintains eye contact. He’s waiting for Donghyuck to say something besides his name. The silence is uncomfortable, but Donghyuck needs a second to gather his thoughts so that he can tell Mark how he’s feeling without hurting him again.

“I’m sorry,” he finally says, “I didn’t mean to make you cry. I just, I need to tell you something okay?”

Mark gestures for him to go on, and Donghyuck takes a deep breath to center himself. Here goes nothing.

“I’m in love with you. I realized this when we were at the bowling alley, back when I was a sophomore, but I think I’ve been in love with you my whole life. No one knows me the way you know me. You know everything about me, inside and out, even the things I’ve been able to hide from my family, you know. You were the first person I told when I thought I liked boys because I knew you would accept me for who I was. Every important memory I have from my life has you in it. I can’t remember a time when you and I weren’t together. When it wasn’t us versus the world. You’re my best friend Mark, and I never want to lose you.”

Donghyuck pauses to catch his breath before continuing, “And I was really hurt when you never told me that Jaemin confessed to you. I couldn’t understand why this was the one time you didn’t mention that a confession had happened or why you kept his letter, so I thought it meant that you liked him too. Plus, you two were getting so close and you seemed so happy around him and I was going to tell you how I felt at the party until I saw you two and you looked like such a couple that I was upset. And I was so ready to stand on the side as your best friend, because I figured that as long as you were happy, I was happy too. But I was jealous. And I realized that I just couldn’t stand on the sidelines and watch you fall in love with someone else. Because I’m in love with you and I’m selfish. I want you for myself. Shitty bowling scores and all.”

The silence that surrounds them after Donghyuck stops talking feels unbearable. He feels exposed, all of the thoughts he’d hoarded and kept close to his chest finally out there for Mark to see.

“Please say something,” he begs, unable to handle the silence anymore.

“You’re kind of stupid if you didn’t realize that I’m in love with you too,” Mark murmurs, eyes not breaking away from his.

Donghyuck tries valiantly to ignore the way his own eyes are tearing up as he processes Mark’s words. Mark loves him too. Not Jaemin. Him. Mark smiles gently at him and brings one of his hands up to wipe the tears off of his cheeks. Donghyuck catches his wrist, breath hitching at the pure adoration he sees in Mark’s eyes. The adoration he finally allows himself to accept is for him.

“You can’t call me stupid and then tell me you’re in love with me,” Donghyuck whines.

Mark laughs, “I’m sorry sunshine. You’re very smart. But you have to admit that you were totally oblivious to how I felt about you. I was never very subtle. Even Jaemin knew, that’s what he was talking to me about after he confessed. I...I couldn’t figure out a way to tell you without giving away what else he’d told me and I didn’t know you’d seen it happen so I figured I was safe. I kept the letter because Jaemin asked me to and I didn’t really see any harm in it. He practically glued himself to me so that he could help me gather up the courage to confess to you.”

Donghyuck beams as Mark continues, “I was going to do it at the bowling alley next week, I’d already asked Jaehyun hyung to help by making sure no one else would be around. Hyuckie, I hate bowling so much. It’s kind of the worst. But every time you beat me your eyes lit up and I wanted nothing more than to keep you looking like that forever, so I kept taking you back.”

Donghyuck almost laughs out loud. Maybe he’s been the oblivious one this whole time. He supposes that neither he nor Mark were very good at recognizing each other's feelings, but the only important thing is that they know now. Donghyuck’s eyes flick down to Mark’s lips and he smiles faintly when he notices that Mark’s eyes are focused on his lips too.

“Are you going to kiss me or what?” he whispers.

Mark laughs again and then he takes a deep breath before he leans in. As their lips meet sweetly, Donghyuck closes his eyes and allows himself to savor the moment, relish in the feeling of being in love and of being loved back.

He might just need to thank Jaemin for this.

*******

(The contents of the letter:

Dear Mark hyung,

I know we’ve only shared one class together, but that was enough to make me like you. You’re very easy to like, did you know that? Your eyes crinkle in the most adorable way when you smile and I really admire your ability to keep organized, despite being involved in so many things. If I had nearly as many responsibilities as you do hyung, I think I’d go insane. But you manage to keep on top of all of them and give all of yourself to them. I respect that. You amaze me.

There’s not much more in the world I would want to do than become the person that makes you smile and keeps you happy. I want to help you relieve stress at the end of the day, cuddle on a couch and watch movies, take long walks through a park together. Go on silly dates and know that at the end of the day, I’m the one who knows you better than anyone else in this world and gets to call you mine.

You’re the most amazing person I know Mark Lee.

But. And yes, there is a but. Despite this being my confession to you, I also know that I have no chance with you. And I’ve made peace with that. Really, I have. And I promise that it’s fine. I know I’ll never be Donghyuck, and that’s okay.

I see the way he makes you happy, how he makes you smile with such fondness in your eyes. Do you know that when you’re around him, you glow? I’ve spent a lot of time looking at you (that sounds kind of creepy haha, but I promise I’m not trying to be) and I’ve seen the impact he has on you. The fact that he understands you better than anyone else does, could ever hope to. And I see how happy you make him too. I wouldn’t ever want to get in the way of that.

So I like you hyung, I like you so, so, so embarrassingly much.

But as much as I like you and want to date you, I know you and Donghyuck are meant to be. Please hold tight to him hyung, that’s not the kind of relationship you want to lose.

I sincerely hope we can be friends though, you seem like such an amazing person. I’d like to get to know you, and even if it’s just as a friend, I’m more than okay with that. If you want to talk more, feel free to say hello to me in class. If not, it’s okay. I understand.

Love,

Nana)

**Author's Note:**

> \- I wrote this after watching "To All the Boys I've Loved Before" because I was inspired by the idea of love letters.  
> \- Jaemin's letter was the very first thing I wrote.  
> \- #justquarantinethings. Stay safe kids!
> 
> Thanks for reading!


End file.
